In-Game Quotes

[G-Prime]

Could have sworn we used to have one of these...
First up, we have a quote from Briar, in my tabletop Wheel of Time game:
Whitecloak Captain: "What is your name? Do you walk in the light?"
Briar: "Of course I walk in the light, when you walk in the dark you tend to bump into things."

Same session: The party has just chased Padan Fain through a waygate, but the party fighter is having second thoughts about following him, he wants to instead take on the dozen or so Whitecloaks behind them.
Briar looks at the waygate, then looks back over his shoulder at the Whitecloaks. Looks at the waygate, back over his shoulder. Waygate, over shoulder, and piss bolts through the waygate.

Same session: My brother OOC: "You know the best thing about initiative? You can't fail."

[Charon]

Monday night. Our very own Richard Young playing Major Garrot.

"I light my everburning torch."

ROFL

[Rogue-Angel]

In one of my RL sessions, all crefits to our very own Glim:

Me (DM): "THere's a few goblins running up to you, weapons in hand.
GLim (as 'himself'): "I don't have time for you right now!" *Fireballs the hell out of them*

[Atarihero]

we did have one, but I don't see it now

Here's one from Ag'red (drunken bad-common-speaking dwarf) in g8:
Trying to figure out how a body got way up in the trees of Solace:

The story of the Drag Ends.

"Well, dis here be the high'ist I ev'r been, can't be image'in get'in hi're up."

"May'haps it was a Drag End."
everyone looks to Red oddly,

"You KNow, a Drag End. Though dee'se be only boogie-man tales fer yung dwarf'lin's. But we be giv'en tales of Ji'ant Lizz'erds dat pluck bad dwarves from de' sky."

"I didn't know a "drag" had "ends"." Tas says quizzically. "Kender just call big lizards-- "big lizards"!

Ag'red looks side-to-side nervously as he becomes the focus of everyone'a attention. "I..Uh..err..." The dwarf tugs on his orange braids as he tries to ponder how to explain the fairy tales of Vein and not look really silly.

"It just be a tale me mum and aunty use'd te threaten me with. If'n we strayed out 'o the Delve giant Drag Ends will swoop down and carry us to the clouds and eat us."

"I know, deese be silly tales. Not sayin' I'm fer be'lee'vin' in these flyin' repti'ls, just giv'n ye me best guess. Seems te be not al that helpful." he looks down in embarrasment, immediately remembering where he was he gripps the nearest handhold tightly.

Fin: "From what I see he doesn't seem to be eaten so perhaps he wasn't tasty? Or simply he can just have fallen from the sky and had bad luck... it can happen, you know. I think he just fell."

"May be,?" Ag'hael continues, not knowing who just spoke. He tries to remember more of the tales of the Drag Ends.

"One time me uncle Halin was at me family's bar, he was fer tellin' someone about seein' a Drag End. I was brewin the mixes in the next room at de time, so I was only fer gettin' snupp'ts 'o de story. But he was fer sayin he once went to de outlands 'un saw a tall hum'in woman let'n a Drag End ride her."

"I though he was just tellin' tales, again. I mean how cun 'e thin woman let 'e big lizzard ride her, 'twas not fer makin sense te me...but mayhaps it was true, and these Drag Ends grant the means to fly, if'n they don't eat you."

"I wonder if you can let a Drag End ride you. We shuld ask an outlander, they be knowin' bett'r dan me'sel..." Ag'hael turns and sees the new short one.

"I uh, hullo stranger, ye be anu'dder Kendir like tassle here, eh?" he asks, tightning all available drawstrings and pockets. "What be yer name fell'er? I be Ag'hael brewster, if'n ye friend and not foe, ye can call me Ag'red." The dwarf extends his han in his friendly jovial manner.

"Are he fer ev'r hearin' about Drag Ends?"

[Charon]

Lol, marvellous.

[G-Prime]

In all my games, I use 'Instant Kills', if a character scores a critical, rerolls another critical, and hits with that, they automatically kill the target (unless its not affected by criticals). In this tabletop game, for some reason the only member of the party who can land a hit is the sorcerer, so when he's out of spells, he starts whomping things with his quarterstaff, while the rest of the party just stands back and watches, as they try their hardest to not remove their own limbs.
They'd just been transported into the jungles of Chult (in FR) and a pair of Tyrannosaurs had burst through the jungle. The fight was too much for them, obviously, but I was using it to introduce a new NPC. Within two rounds, the sorcerer had scored an instant kill on both Tyrannosaurs, so I couldn't introduce the NPC by having him save their asses. So I settled for 'You hear a nearby voice shout: "Holy Shit!".

Same group, different session. The party was travelling through the Sunless Citadel, and come across one of the holes that the Thoqqua live in. I read the excerpt from the adventure (Something to the effect of 'You feel a great heat coming from the hole, and there is a glow coming from it') so I ask what they do. The fighter (Named Grant the Playboy) shouts 'I piss in the hole!' It's become a running joke, he pissed on every Thoqqua in the citadel, and I've decided that when the party is high-level, a Red Dragon is going to jump from the toilet.

I'm hopeless when it comes to making up names on the spot, and I'm not exactly the most organised DM in the world, so when I needed to come up with a name for an employer, I decided on 'Kenny', just off the top of my head. The guy playing the rogue (Bitch-hands the nimble) says 'Kenny Rogers?', so the guy became Kenny Rogers. So when someone asks why they're there, the answer is 'Kenny Rogers sent us'. I just can't wait until I have to kill the guy off 'Oh my god! You killed Kenny.'

[Armilian]

LOL, These are great.

I was going to post the "Drag Ends" Atari. I laughed my ass of at that.

[Merry_Tom]

This is from a RL game a fair few years back now, 2nd ed. dark sun. The party was made up of an elf, a halfling and a half-giant named Tin'Glee. Each of the characters was unable to understand the others' language, and all were iliterate, so much sign language and very simple common was used (which only the halfling and halfgiant could speak, and not very well as they both had very low int scores). The party had come to a half-buried city in the desert and were trying to recover a gem which was mysteriously floating about 50ft in the air. After much diliberation in sign language and mumbles, the half-giant picks up his rope and tells the halfling, "I hold end of rope, you climb to top!"

[Merry_Tom]

Another one I just thought of, from a different RL game, same RL group, dragonlance.
A half-elf character to one of the others about his personal history - "My father was raped by an elf."

[WorkSlave]

Charons chat game (6pm-10pm GMT Mondays)

[22:46] 1d20+27
[22:46] * Golem rolls the dice for Garrot (1d20+27) and rolled 37.
[22:47] 5d6+13
[22:47] * Golem rolls the dice for Garrot (5d6+13) and rolled 24.
[22:47] meh
[22:47] 1d20+22
[22:47] * Golem rolls the dice for Garrot (1d20+22) and rolled 28.
[22:47] 28?
[22:47] 13hit
[22:47] 5d6+13
[22:47] * Golem rolls the dice for Garrot (5d6+13) and rolled 25.
[22:47] 13killl
[22:47] 13:O
[22:47]
[22:47] hits it again
[22:47] 1d20+17
[22:47] * Golem rolls the dice for Garrot (1d20+17) and rolled 29.
[22:47] 5d6+13
[22:47] * Golem rolls the dice for Garrot (5d6+13) and rolled 36.
[22:47] 13Well that rocked!
[22:48] 13
[22:48] deactives silence, invisibility
[22:48] uh huh
[22:48] still enlarged
[22:48] pees on the beholder
[22:48] 13
[22:48] * Jazeem stares....
[22:48] My, thats the biggest.... *silence*
[22:48] silence is deactivated :P